Posted by Brent2 on Jan 6, 2009 in
Tech Trouble
Tech Guys Hate Americans (but not America)
They do. Really. It’s not because we know nothing about Linux or can’t do the contortion required for Mac shortcuts. It’s cause we don’t try; we don’t talk; we don’t listen.
We don’t know techs. They’re simple.
10. Stroke His Ego a Little
See, most likely he lives in his mom’s basement, playing WoW and avoiding girls. They make him nervous. If you can say something nice to him, maybe make him feel smart, he’ll want to help you.
Put differently, his ego is the only thing someone else is going to stroke for the next year. Throw the guy a bone.
9. He Knows More Than You
Probably. That’s most likely why you called him. At the least, he can do more than you. Don’t be condescending, argumentitive or otherwise
8. Girls Can Do It Too
I know I’ve said “he” throughout this whole thing–and I’ll continue to do so–but I’ve known some dang good female techs. Often they’re better at grasping the overall picture better than the males and they’re almost always more empathetic. The problem? Well, lines like:
“Now I know the meaning of misogyny.”
“Yeah, I want a tech who knows what he’s talking about.”
“Yeah, you’re a bitch. It’s my right to put whatever the Hell I want on my website. Just because you chicks don’t like rape scenes don’t mean you can take ‘em down.”
I’ve heard all three. Not only does the woman helping you stop, the techs around her hear about it. Then someone notes your account. Then someone reads it later when you call back. And that person doesn’t help you.
7. They Don’t Have Social Skills
Not true of all of them. But most don’t. There are levels of course. There’s the guy who’s high functioning Asperger’s and the guy who just occasionally says something wrong.
But you shouldn’t expect them to be sales or customer service. It’s not their skill. You’re calling for the other skill.
Deal with the deficit.
6. They Don’t Even Care If You Stay With the Company
Why should they? It’s someone else’s job to bring people into the fold. It’s their job to fix problems. They don’t like you, dislike you or otherwise want to help you. They’re only nice because that’s how they keep their job (and inflatable girlfriend).
They like fixing problems. They’re frustrated when they can’t. They’re happy when an asshole leaves.
If you don’t, they just have to deal with you again in a week.
Tags: Customer Service, Girls, Linux, Support, World of Warcraft
Posted by Brent2 on Jan 6, 2009 in
Tech Trouble
5. It’s Not That You Didn’t Get an Answer, It’s That You Didn’t Like the One You Got
Don’t ask the question again, in a different way. Don’t say they’re wrong. You can try to understand, say you don’t understand, even mention that you’re having trouble because you understood something else. Let them explain.
But asking the question repeatedly, in different ways, again and again. Well, most of these guys are graded on phone time. They won’t want to answer your next question. Then you’re lacking info. And now you’re screwed.
4. Finish Your Statements
Normally the reason techs don’t understand is because you don’t finish your sentences. For example, think about this.
“Well, when I open Word a box comes up that says. . .see I was working on this project and then I forgot to save. . .wait, that’s not the beginning of the story. What’s going on is I installed Word and it went fine. Now I’m trying to open a file my sister sent me. When I do, oh, right, she sent it through e-mail. If that matters. But see when I open it, this box comes up that says. . .”
It’ll go on like that. Explanation after explanation without ever giving the problem. Then you’ll get mad at them because they’re obviously not listening. Now you’re frustrated, they’re exasperated and suddenly you’re cutting each other off. Put it differently, try using a friggen noun.
You have to finish your sentences for them to help you.
3. Let Them Finish Theirs
No kidding. They’re probably answering their question in a way that teaches you something. The moment you interrupt them and say “That’s not what I’m doing” they decide you’re an arrogant shit and just try to get rid of you.
Think about it. Your question was “Can I use my cell phone as an alarm to wake me up?”. They need to tell you that you can but if you have your phone on silent, it’ll vibrate rather than screech.
But the moment they say “You will need to have your volume turned up”, you say “I’m not asking about the volume!”.
Well, fine then. Jerk. “Yes, you can use it as an alarm. Turn it on here.”
They’re fine with you waking up an hour or two late because you can’t hear carpet vibrate. Or having your computer freeze due to overheating. Or your business fail because you’re rude to them. See, remember,
2. Techs Don’t Care About You
They care about the problem. They’re freaks who live in their mother’s basement (or the equivelant) and spend all their time fixing, well, something. Anything from problems with their MMO character to a global virus outbreak to a Ford Pinto.
Let me say this again: They don’t care about you.
1. They Care About the Problem
You should be happy about this. Most techs will get intrigued by weird and new, well, technical failures. This is the reason we made it to the moon, got cell phones and can drive to work faster than 30 MPH.
It’s not that weird. Hit them with the issue and once they understand you could literally watch their eyes light up. If you weren’t on the phone. Yeah, they’ll get frustrated and growl, maybe some good cursing. But they won’t stop. They almost can’t stop.
Even so, it gets fixed. If you’re nice, patient and they’re capable.
Tags: Customer Service, Ford, Virus, World of Warcraft
Posted by Brent2 on Dec 30, 2008 in
Uncategorized
Only Discount They Offer
Tags: Kids, Pornography, School, School Bus
Posted by Brent2 on Nov 21, 2008 in
Tech Trouble
Different?
Sorta. See, I wrote this to my family a few minutes ago. They’d been informed that I temporarally had a new number due to a broken phone. I had to explain why I suddenly didn’t have one. It became a rant, which is what this site is meant for.
[For reference, Shawn and Shad are also family. Just not the kind I have to e-mail.]
It Starts Out Happy, as Most Things in Bed Do
Basically, we figured we could save money by taking the phone away from Shawn’s sister, who’s pregnant; living in Colorado and, due to both those things, isn’t exactly financially solvent. We were right about the money saving part.
So what’s the problem? See, we didn’t want to deal with that whole phone number crossover thing, even if we’re still working on getting my old number tied to the new cell. So, unsurprisingly, we had them change numbers. It worked. Until it didn’t.
At 11 AM it was up and running fine. Really, it was great. Cool new phone, happily learning new settings (and a cool phone number saving feature). At 1:30? Bam. Goes funky.
T-Mobile Can’t Find Their <Blip!> With Their Head Stuck Up It
I call out. It connects, briefly, then “call ended”. What the flip? I was at work, without a working phone of course, so Shawn called T-Mobile multiple times. T-Mobile couldn’t figure out what was wrong. By that I mean, they literally couldn’t figure out that we were having trouble.
I listened to Shawn explain it to them again. He laid it out, clearer than I have. They kept saying that it looks like stuff is working and the account’s active. So there isn’t a problem.
Yeah,
T-Mobile seems to be full of deaf morons.
Instead, We Figure Out Said Problem
Not that we can solve it. But once we had our phones together we could test stuff. Guess what we found? Yeah, pretty obvious if you jump up a paragraph or two.
See, texting worked. So I sent one to Shad. He looked at it. The number listed was the old number, tied to the old phone, which is sitting in Colorado. Apperently, it reverted.
Yeah, Read Your Fricken Screen People
We of course told them we’d switched numbers earlier. And even that the old phone was working suddenly. We were even getting calls from it! I don’t know about you, but when someone reads a number to me over the phone, I read it off the screen. Stuff like that can tell you a lot. It’s basic problem solving.
I’m Not an Expert
To be fair, I don’t know the cell phone technology. I make servers work. But, to me, if you take the next logical step, you can figure out why it’s not calling out. Sorta.
See, I make a call and the tower picks it up and looks at the number. Suddenly it’s trying to make the connection to a phone in another state. That phone isn’t making a call. Oh, you must have hung up. Click.
Texting works fine because the connection is fast enough. That’s enough for a server guy anyway.
It’s Broken, Make it Work
Now, how to fix the problem? I dunno. As I said, I’m not a cell phone guy. But that’s all the info I usually get. ”My site isn’t working. Fix it.” Half the time they can’t describe the error; I have to find it. When you know what you’re doing, you can usually figure it out. And even solve it.
Seems to be you re-sync the number though. Not that hard. If it’s fighting you, do what I do:
Ask a tech guy who knows more than you. Gee, go figure.
Prideful idiots.
Hell, I’ve got a whole support system for the support guys. Very efficient, very pyramid like. Very common.
I Get It
We complain that our customers can’t read (and sometimes can’t talk). Thing is, these guys take it step further. Reps who can’t listen. Combine the two, and it’s
Just Knutts .
[Update: They figured it out. The number had reverted but the Sime cards hadn't. So one Sim was deactivated but the other was using a number that T-Mobile didn't recognize.]
Tags: Cell phone, Fricken Idiots, T-Mobile, Tech Support
Posted by Brent2 on Nov 20, 2008 in
Uncategorized
Let’s Be Clear
The Internet
Tags: Internet, Penguins
Posted by Brent2 on Nov 12, 2008 in
Politics
In Love With Alaska?
Seems to me that people have no idea who this woman is, even after a 3 month bid for the VP. It drives me a little knutts to turn on any news channel (you pick; CNN, Fox, even local) and see at least a story on her. More often a profile. Hell, last night there was an hour special in her kitchen on Fox’s On the Record.
Seriously. She was dicing veggies. We played Halo.
Maybe That’s Why They Lost
Couldn’t have helped anyway. People want to know who’s going to run their country. Story after story about Obama’s mom, McCain’s prisoner of war experience, even a little on Joe Biden. We already know everything about Hillery. Thanks Bill.
They didn’t get her out there and now the news is doing it for them.
A Little Late?
Well, yeah. But I’m not concerned. Sounds like the Governor of the giant empty state (turns out Vermont and North Dekota are now less populated, along with Wyoming) will be a party power-broker, if not more. I guess that’s good. Alaska will finally get, uh, something.
I assume they want stuff.
Anyway
Yeah, anyway, I’m thinking that’s a big part of why they got creamed (well, plus the 50 state stratagy that Obama had going). McCain should know better. At least his advisors. Apperently they’re Just Knutts.
Tags: CNN, Election, Fox, McCain, News, Obama, Palin, Politics, States
Posted by Brent2 on Sep 8, 2008 in
Just Knutts,
Sports
No, Wrestling Is Not Gay
Seriously. It’s not. I m
ean, there are fetishes, yeah. There always are, especially when we’re talking lycra (think spandex). But that doesn’t mean it’s gay in the least. And neither are these guys.
Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That (thanks Sinefeld)
Personally, I don’t care if you’re gay. Trust me. Doesn’t matter. I’m married anyway. Nor do I care if these guys strip naked and do it in Times Square. Doesn’t affect me. Course, I don’t live there. Regardless, they’re not.
No, the thing that’s Just Knutts is how someone must have figured it out. And reported it. That means some guy is cruising the porn site late at night, finds someone he knows, and reports it. That’s just not how porn is supposed to work. It’s private Dengit!
Go TEAM!
But some teams just plain play dirty. Can’t beat him on the mat? Beat him for helping someone beat off!
That’s right, the NCAA may have to suspend them. It’s not a Homophobic thing by the way. They came down on some cheerleaders for doing something similar. It’s some kind of rule I guess.
Regardless, some guy frustrated that they kicked his ass is sitting at home, bored and lonely and decides to experiment. Or whatever. Then he finds the guy who just plowed him into the floor standing straight with parts standing straighter (oh, right, solo shots only here).
Not sure if he finishes himself off before calling his coach but eventually they hit a scandle website and everything went Knutts.
(Those of you wanting to see the pictures will have to find them on your own. As a hint, here’s a site that links to a site that links to the pics. Talk about giving myself cover.)
Tags: Cheerleaders, Gay, NCAA, Porn, Sinefeld, Wrestling
Posted by Brent2 on Aug 21, 2008 in
Disprooving Darwin,
Just Knutts
Who Can Blame Him?
I can’t, really. I’d want to die to. At the least, I’m good with him getting fried. Or needled. Or stabbed. Or thrown off a bridge. Whatever.
18 Years
He’s already spent 18 years in prison for a series of rapes. Who knows what (or who) he did while he was there? And now, 9 months after he gets out, poof. Let’s rob, rape, kidnap and finally strangle Tiffani with her own bikini.
Yeah, great guy. Should write a book.
Real Loss to Humanity?
Uh, no. Even if they don’t give him the death penalty, they’ll be passing him along to Alabama and Tennessee. He raped at least one woman in each state. Really, screw that.
If you’re not going to stick a needle in him you can always leave him alone with his shoelaces. Your conscience should be clear. After all, he’s Just Knutts.
Tags: Bikini, Death, Execution, Murder, Strangle
Posted by Brent2 on Aug 14, 2008 in
Disprooving Darwin,
Just Knutts
Ah, Nostalgia
Remember when you were a kid, playing in the park, wrapping each other up like mummies. Oh yeah, undead fun. Heck, I don’t know anyone who didn’t do some kind of random tie up game
as a kid, so it makes sense to stretch the toilet paper to a pole.
Then you light it on fire.
Stop, Drop and Aw Crap
Yeah, Tyler was tied to a pole. Not like this kid can hit the ground, regardless of what his mommy taught him. He’s stuck, burning and if you’ve ever lit toilet paper on fire you know it goes up quick. I have (you don’t want to know).
A Witch!
Yeah, they burned an 11-year-old at the stake. Literally. Just. I mean. There aren’t words for this. And it happened near my house. I want to trash these kids. What the Hell!
It Gets Worse
His brother tried to stomp the flames out after getting him loose. Not the best plan, but better than nothing I suppose. Problem is the toilet paper got caught on his foot or something and it too caught on fire.
So he tries to kick it off, throwing his shoe back into Tyler’s face. Lords of mercy, that kid got screwed and his brother needs therapy.
If the little fire starter wasn’t arrested, the cops are Just Knutts.
Tags: Burning, Cops, Fire, Kids, Mummy, Shoe, Undead, Witch
Posted by Brent2 on Aug 9, 2008 in
Disprooving Darwin,
Just Knutts
It’s Hard Dealing With Kids
Could drive a guy to drink. On a bus. With the kids. Really, I’m sure all parents would agree.
I guess that’s not too bad. I mean, I’d never do it but I don’t drink either, so that makes sense. But, while the driver would usually kick you off (“Yeah, dude, get on the next one when you’re finished”), that’s not the case here because the drunk guy was driving. Great.
The Wheeles on the Bus Go Crash, Crash, Crash
Boom. Slammed into light pole. Naturally.
Was bound to happen sometime. Might as well be on a field trip to, get this, a Summer Camp with the Jewish Community Center.
Might as Well Run
He fled. Guess it makes sense when you’re drunk. If he weren’t, he probably would have realized the half-dozen ways they could find him. Such as, say, who was driving that bus today? Or the 6 kids sitting right behind him when he jumped out. No, didn’t occur to him.
Insteand, he’s Just Knutts.
[Update: The story has been revised to say he was ill of meds and fled to puke in a bathroom. Uhhu, whatever.]
Tags: Bus, Drunk, Jewish, Kids, School, School Bus
